>>37429
HIMARI'S BIGGEST FAN????
I LOVE HIMARI

All I can do is to say that I've been against medication for over a decade until it got so bad that I'd rather give it a try as a last resort. It does seem to be helping ever so slightly and I can still increase the dosage if need be. That said, I was told there is a high risk of suffering from rough side-effects for at least the first few weeks and I seem to be one of the rare cases that didn't experience anything noticeably bad at all. Either way, I see no reason not to try if the bad emotions are too overwhelming, but do keep in mind that I don't know if this route might be riskier in different countries or not.

Hope you feel better soon!

Seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist is a good idea. Medication can help a lot, it saved a few people in my family's lives including my own. You might have chemical problems in the brain.

>>37432
>I was told there is a high risk of suffering from rough side-effects
From who? I don't know why when it comes to the human body people will trust random 15 year-olds on the internet more than professionals, but I'm glad you were able to see reason and trust medical science more than internet hearsay. Hope you're feeling better!

>I seem to be one of the rare cases that didn't experience anything noticeably bad at all
Your experience was the normal one.
Good luck, OP, I've been there before and things have settled down over the years.

feelin' this too. almost got into a car accident half a dozen times today because i couldn't stop thinking about how much i wanted to kill myself

omfg kissuers stop dying

>>37451
>I don't know why when it comes to the human body people will trust random 15 year-olds on the internet more than professionals
Careful with the assumptions, I never said I trusted anyone, just stated what I was told! That warning came straight from my psychiatrist during the initial talk about medical therapy, the intention I assume having been to get me to stick to the therapy despite any potential side-effects, assuring me they should only last the first few weeks if they do come up.

My idea was to show OP that I don't really trust any side, still took medication as a last ditch effort and that it seems to be helping me at the very least. My personal belief is that there's no reason not to give it a go at the end of the line and push through potential side-effects for at least the beginning stage, renegotiating if the feeling stays the same or gets worse for an unreasonable amount of time and eventually stay with what seems to give the best results.

>Hope you're feeling better!
Thank you very much, I hope you and your relatives do, too!
>>37459
You as well!

I feel similarly and need to say it somewhere but I don't want to clog anywhere up, I hope it isn't selfish.

I take medicine for a health reason that only had one real occurance for me. I don't like that I have to take it, but whenever I've pushed back on it and tried to inquire about cutting the dosage or getting off it, I'm shut down. I've always thought it was a fluke and I don't need it. I was looking at the side effects again recently and they scare me- they all match traits I have. I don't usually buy into these, similar to self-diagnosing, but there's pages and pages of discussion on it and every single one lines up.

Sometimes I'll have periods like this >>37459 and think about hitting every car in a parking deck, or I've shouted horrible things for a few seconds or minutes at home. Until revisiting the side-effects I always took it as anger issues and I need to not be a manchild. It's scarier if it's not entirely my fault and something might alter my brain enough to influence that behavior. So I tried cutting the dose on my own even though it could be bad. The last few days my hands are clenched and aching when I wake up and I've had really vivid dreams and restlessness. Today it was a really gay one where I got plapped and I feel violated. I dream often but I believe the medicine is partially supposed to help with your brain when sleeping. When I look around online it sounds like they'll either give you alternative medications with similar or different complications, or load you up on multiple to balance it out and stabilize/surpress your mood.

I feel scared that I don't remember what I was like before taking it and that it zombifies me a bit. I don't like how you can't express thoughts like this or you're fishing for attention, or its taken as performative and you just like the idea of being "off". You can't relate to characters like Rena because you're creating this inside your head, even if there's clear justification for why you might feel like things aren't good.

>>37479
>Today it was a really gay one where I got plapped and I feel violated.
there's something inappropriate here about referring to it as plapping in this context and it made me laugh a lot i'm sorry anonymous.......

>>37488
Is plap a filter for rape on kissu? Test.

>>37499
No, then.
Anyway OP here feeling a bit better now.
I guess it was just getting really drunk the other day that made a lot of my feelings well up.
I'm not really sure if there are any real options going forward. I'd like to think that my depression results from my personal circumstances which means that I can rid myself of it by changing my life in some significant way, but then I think back through my life and it's obvious to me that I've pretty much always been depressed. I didn't "fall into" depression after something. I was considering suicide at least once a month since elementary school.
Although back then it was more closely tied with fantasies about how my family would react to it than today. Of course I still wonder how they'd react but now I mostly think of killing myself just to get out of all the effort involved in life. I'm extremely lazy and while I think that I might be able to, through some manifestation of great effort, make myself happy, I know that manifesting that effort would be so utterly mentally and physically exhausting that I don't even want to think about it.
So maybe it is just some issue with my brain. Chemicals and all that. But those chemicals are me. They've been me since I was born. I am nothing but chemicals. Can I really justify changing or manipulating them? I mean I do already, with alcohol, coffee, etc but taking medication is a step beyond all that.
I don't hate myself. I don't want to destroy or hurt myself because I can't stand who I am. I like who I am. I just know that who I am is someone who'll likely never be happy.
You know?

>>37479
Even if there's a chance that you might not need that medication and that the current side-effects might just be temporary, I think that sounds really dangerous! If I were in your shoes, I think I would continue taking the stuff and look for a different doctor who doesn't just shut you down for being worried and curious, but is able to patiently answer to every question you have and provide you with options. Lazy doctors are really horrible when you require more complex help and they cause unneccessary stress. Hope you get better quick!

>>37500
Glad to hear that it's at the very least temporarily better right now!
I believe you might be too hooked up on thinking about what truly makes you yourself, and potentially overestimating the permanence of medical treatment. I somehow naturally developed an auto-immune disorder that already caused permanent damage to some of my movement abilities (though it's not as bad as it might sound) and I need to undergo treatment to keep this issue in check and not eventually lose the ability to use a controller, keyboard or do grocery shopping on my own. This is a physical problem, not a mental one, but seeing as it supposedly developed by pure chance, one could make the argument that it makes the whole of me and that treating it would be to manipulate not only myself, but also my fate. Not treating it would mean I would eventually lose all the abilities I need to engage in the things that I like. Similarly, I believe if you don't change anything, you will also eventually lose the things that currently might provide you with at least the tiniest bit of relief, and that currently, you might just be making things unnecessarily more difficult for yourself.
As for the permanence of medical treatment, I view it more like a temporary supplement that is used to kickstart you into a better direction, one that provides you with a better feeling just from working towards it. Then, once you've gotten to a much better place with the help of treatment, work towards cutting it out again. From what I heard (and this is actually just from random internet posts now, no personal experience or belief), feeling like a zombie is an issue with too high dosages or wrong medication that should get swapped out for a different one which doesn't cause that problem. I also believe a problem always goes deeper than just "laziness" if it's hard to take care of it despite terrible mental anguish.