Summon a demon willing to teach. What's the point of being knowledgeable if you have to do work yourself?

>>119974
May as well conjure up the all-knowing tome of truths and have it tell you your entire life for you.

Patchouli wouldn't take on an apprentice unless you were somehow able to bug her enough. If she wanted one, she likely would have chosen one in the outside world before the Mansion came to Gensokyo. It's not that she couldn't teach, it's just that magic at her level is so advanced and also chemically caustic that stooping down to a human novice's level would be like Niccolo Paganini teaching the average person to play the violin. She would get bored and kick you out after you screw up something rudimentary for the fortieth time.
>>119974
She could delegate it to a familiar, but us humans are pretty mundane. A demon might not understand the lack of innate magical ability as well as a human or a former-human (as I assume Patchouli to be) would. Besides, Koakuma is surely run ragged keeping the library organized, and if you want to go out on a limb that is altogether less charitable towards her character, she'd just be busy wringing the last of the sperm out of your body.

That leaves us with the other two witches. I would have to spend a while thinking of the pros and cons of both, but I think Marisa would be easier to learn from. Alice is very antisocial and all her magic revolves around dolls. Useful, to be sure, but the average human is going to want to learn flying and master sparking and other cool stuff. It's still going to be an insane amount of hard work, but when the end result is "big fucking laser" and not "make Shanghai bake cookies while Hourai sweeps the front stoop" it's a lot more motivating.

Going by folklore, I think the easiest of the youkai to learn from would be the Tengu, if you can only convince one. Legend also has it there's a green-haired spirit who used to teach magic to humans, sealed somewhere on the Hakurei Shrine's grounds, but the only thing scarier than that spirit herself is what the miko will do to you if she catches you trying to free her.

>>119986
>or a former-human (as I assume Patchouli to be)
Akyuu says Patchy's a natural-born witch. If true, that'd make her even worse at teaching humans as her starting point was already high-level.

>she'd just be busy wringing the last of the sperm out of your body.
These are acceptable terms!

>>119986
>Alice is very antisocial
I know what you're trying to say but that is NOT what antisocial means. Alice doesn't like being too social with people and that is perfectly fine, I can very much relate to her.
>"make Shanghai bake cookies while Hourai sweeps the front stoop
That sounds way more useful for my lifestyle than flying or being able to shoot lasers. I want to take it easy at home and not have to worry about doing chores.

>>119973
Patchouli's teaching method would be to hand you a book to read and that's it.

>>119996
What's so bad about that huh? You got a problem with reading? That's why you're still trying to learn and not already a master.

>>119990
>I know what you're trying to say but that is NOT what antisocial means.
Well I looked it up and by golly you're right. I always thought it just meant... not social. But I still maintain that Marisa would be an easier start, just because you're more likely to run into her. I imagine Alice is a more qualified teacher, but you'd have to go find her before you could even try to convince her to take you on as a student. Honestly, I'm not sure how willing any of them would be to introduce a human to magic, but spirited-away anons usually seem to get special treatment anyway.
>I want to take it easy at home and not have to worry about doing chores.
Same.

>>119996
It's over for /jp/.

>>119999
Only way jaypee's going to learn is if someone makes a VN that teaches you magic. Kind of like those educational games you played on the ancient computers in primary school except it has big boober shabs.

>>119979
Why? That wouldn't help you learn magic.

Alright, since nobody else in this thread was man enough to go test it out themselves, I decided to go and try my luck. I'm not sure what I'm going to ask her to teach me, but I guess my end goals are at least one kind of elemental kinesis, and the use of familiars.

I had only ever seen the mansion from across the lake before. It's a lot bigger once you get up close, and I started having second thoughts. Thoughts like, gee, maybe you should have timed the trip so you don't arrive right when the sun is setting and the vampire inside must be waking up. But in the end I decided to at least check out the gate. I told myself that at the very least I should scout out the way for next time. And besides, if Knowledge-Sensei's friend is nocturnal, maybe she has the same schedule, so I'd have to go at night anyway. At that point I was just making stuff up to keep my mind busy while I got closer to the mansion. To keep my mind off of stuff like, doesn't it seem to be getting bigger than it should? And, doesn't the whole building have this kind of eerie red glow? Right when I couldn't think of anything else, I made it to the gate. That's when I noticed her.
There was a woman in a green dress and hat, with red hair almost down to her feet, and she was sleeping standing up. I guess she had a little bit of help from the wall she was leaning against, but after everything so far, the sight of her was really uncomfortable. I thought something bad would happen if I woke her up, so I just snuck past her to the gate and-
"What do you think you're doing?"
The same instant my fingertips touched the gate, I knew she wasn't human. A hand was clenched around my forearm. Not hurting me at all, but so firm that I couldn't move my arm at all. Or anything else. I couldn't even breathe.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"I... I... I... I..."
She could tell I was scared as all hell, so she let go of me and took a step back, but she never took an eye off of me. I don't think she ever even blinked. She seemed totally relaxed, and yet ready to explode at any moment.
"P-Patchouli" I choked out.
"You're here to see her? What business do you have?"
That's when I really looked at her eyes. They were a bright red, like they were actually on fire. I thought about running away, but I knew I'd never make it. I had to think of something fast.
"I... Teacher... Student..."
All of a sudden, she transformed. The tension fell to nothing. All the held breath went rushing out of her. Her shoulders slouched, and one hand came up, scratching her head awkwardly, as if to say, "oops." She even smiled.
"Oh! You're her student? I didn't know she had one. Well, if you have an appointment with her, go right ahead!"
The gate opened, I went inside, and the gate closed behind me. I turned around, and the woman was already back against the wall, snoring loudly. A bird landed on her hat. I turned back and looked at the massive building, and, well...
I guess it's not a scouting trip anymore.

>>119973
probably not

she seems very much a 'sink or swim' type, and in the first place patchouli doesn't strike me as someone who would take on an apprentice unless it got hoisted on her without her 100% agreeing to it. think super-high expectations that you would definitely have a very very hard time meeting; like that maths professor that assumes knowledge far beyond a syllabus, is there for research, and probably wants nothing to do with you at the start. her library minion already has her work cut out for her - if you were being 'taught' by patchy in some capacity you'd have to constantly be proving yourself on the fly, or being in gensokyo, you'd be a glorified library helper rather than an apprentice in the first place. maybe you manage to learn something or put together some bit of magic every so often skimming material that you're not supposed to, or, during what little free time you have: you'd probably have nabbed a job position at the mansion after managing not to be eaten, and there probably wouldn't be much to do besides spend the next 50 years of your life organising ancient tomes that might just eat a part of your soul by opening them. finding a niche, if that even makes sense here, would be quite the task...

there's so much in the library and so little patience to be had - a magician in touhou seems to usually have magic that's pretty unique to the individual, being it's based in collective belief rather than some rational laws you can logic your way around. you likely don't have the 100+ years of knowhow of wuxing or whatever to make any use of it, the magic has to be sourced somewhere. patchouli assumedly being born a being of magic rather than a former human becoming one out of obsessive dedication, like one of the other magicians in gensokyo, probably doesn't make your tutelage any easier. so maybe you have a little /x/-tier obsession with discovering old tomes: you're spirited away to youkai neverland, and suddenly, your niche but dedicated interest has a twinge of fantasy to it... maybe it leads to something. maybe not. but maybe, just maybe, your magical aspirations had a degree of unreality tied to them once upon a time - being in an immense research library of texts recovered from obscurity might just lead somewhere, maybe in connection with the resident librarian. outsider to fantasy you may be, it could be the start of something. probably not, though

>>120103
Is it really that easy to enter the SDM? Just tell the gatekeeper anything and she'll let you in without verifying?

>>119973
She seems too haughty and sedentary to bother with such things... unless there was a benefit to her perhaps.

I don't think that her relationship with Marisa is necessarily a good gauge of how she would react towards a prospective student. They're both seasoned magicians and are primarily rivals more than anything, with Marisa being a troublemaker and all.

Any time she would theoretically spend thinking about or interacting with cute boys is time that she isn't spending on magic!

Sounds like Alice is the better teacher after all.
Patche wouldn't lower herself to teaching a human entry level magic, and Marisa is always out and about, so you never know where she is. Alice may not seem very social, but as a former human herself I'd like to imagine that she would understand my desire for wanting to learn magic.

>>120379
>but as a former human herself
Makaijin, she can larp all she wants but she isn't getting away from Shinki.

Also do you really want to get kidnapped and be subject to Alice's weird roleplays?
The only kind of magic you'll learn with her is self-paralysis.

>>120381
>she can larp all she wants but she isn't getting away from Shinki.
We haven't seen anything that suggests Makai people are significantly different or scarier to deal with than regular humans. Alice is the only example we have some knowledge of and while she's introverted, she's also much friendlier than most youkai and is willing to help people without gaining much in return. I think the main barrier to being tutored by Alice is that she's highly engrossed in her own research and prefers doing her own thing, but she also takes pride in her own magical prowess so there's a chance she'd like to show off to someone interested in her abilities.
>Also do you really want to get kidnapped and be subject to Alice's weird roleplays?
The possibility of this happening is even more motivating than the prospect of learning magic!

>>120379
>Alice may not seem very social, but as a former human herself I'd like to imagine that she would understand my desire for wanting to learn magic.
Reminds me of an angst non-H doujin about Marisa going insane from trying to become the magician species

>>120381
alice if sex

>>120392
shortened: alex

>>120374
Getting in was never the hard part. BEING in the SDM is the hard part. I snuck in and hid behind a curtain near the front door, just watching for a while to see if anyone would come for me. Only a maid showed up and she left after just a second. I thought about leaving but I figured, hey, I had already come this far, and the library is supposed to be huge, so it shouldn't be hard to find. Problem is, it's like the whole building keeps screwing around with itself and the entire floor plan keeps changing every time you turn around. The first hall I tried didn't work, so I turned back towards the entrance. I swear I retraced my steps exactly and never made it back. Eventually I just started taking random turns and everything got worse from there. I probably would have panicked, but the whole situation felt way too bizarre and surreal for me to even panic. It was like dream logic. I thought I was finally making progress when I found some stairs leading down to something below, but that's when I finally ran into someone. Or, well... rather, I got caught.
"Oh, I really don't think you want to go down there."
Needless to say, I jumped out of my skin when I heard someone. I turned around, back to the wall, and saw it was another maid. Maybe the same one from earlier, but if it was, she's a lot more striking close up. For one thing, she was young, but her hair was almost pure white, like she had lived for more than a hundred years. Her voice was soft and she was smiling very lightly. Everything about her had an impression of gentleness. I was almost captivated by her at first sight, but then she snapped me out of it when she spoke again.
"It's funny watching you walk around like you're blind, but I don't think the basement is a good place for you. What are you looking for?"
I told her the library. When she asked why, I told her I was a magic student, trying to look as pure and innocent as I possibly could.
"I see. How did you get inside here?"
All her questions were getting shorter and more pointed so I figured now was a good time to finally fess up. I told her I snuck in, but that my aims as a student were at least honest.
"She didn't stop you?"
"She? Oh, you mean at the gate? Well, she let me in, but-"
I stopped mid-sentence and never finished, because something happened that almost knocked me back. The maid didn't move at all, but it's like there was a flash in a single instant. Something you could feel, but never see. The only thing I can say is that for that split second I thought her eyes were red, but when I looked again, they were the same ordinary color as before.
"I'm sorry you were let in here without proper permission. That wasn't very fair to us, or to you, I'm afraid. I think, for us to figure out what to do with you, you'll have to come with me to meet my Mistress."
She gestured for me to follow her, and I did. After all, she didn't immediately put me in trouble even though I was trespassing, so her suggestion sounded perfectly reasonable. There was only one thing I wasn't sure of.
"Who... who is your Mistress, by the way?"
For the first time, she looked surprised. Then like she was about to laugh. "Don't you know whose house you've broken into? The Lady Remilia Scarlet, of course."
It's a little fuzzy, but I think I managed to pass out and keep walking at the same time.

>>120435
>Problem is, it's like the whole building keeps screwing around with itself and the entire floor plan keeps changing every time you turn around
House of Scarlet Leaves

>>119973
Every time I see this image I just need patchouli paizuri fuck I don't care if I'm off topic I just want cuddle those tits so bad

/qa/chouli

>>120437
This is why Patchouli should be flat and thin.

>>121376
fat and thick*
Damn autocorrect.

Patchouli gets the worst fandom discussions

>>121378
You're forgetting about Nue here.

>>121376
Boobchouli is soft and cuddly, I can sleep comfortably in her cleavage for hours...

>>121378
Not on kissu! Only the highest quality Patchouli discussion on this imageboard!

What is up with this ridiculous "fatchouli" propaganda here?
Patche is flat as a board