>>160719The main reason why I'm good at racing/driving/riding is because I have absolutely no fear of speed. In fact, to me speed is like a drug. Everyone slows down when I'm driving at the limit. It's the only time I am happy and things feel right in the world.
I don't care if I die. I'd rather die young doing what I love than dying of old age while I'm shitting myself in a diaper and unable to walk.
I became a drug addict in my teens-early 30s because I was unable to get my speed fix daily. If I'm not behind the wheel or on a bike multiple times a week I drown my sorrows in opioids, alcohol, various other pills and whatever else I can get my hands on.
The "American dream" and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is all bullshit. Without family support behind you it's impossible to make it. I mostly blame my mother and to a lesser extent my father. I love them both. But they've basically did everything in their power to shut down every dream, idea, or plan I've ever had.
The worse part is usually years later they berate me for not doing the things they talked me out of doing years ago. I don't know what it is but it's like everyone I know has a goldfish memory. I can remember most everything that's happened to me since childhood in extreme detail. They don't remember things we talked about two days ago.
Anyway, yea I'm bitter because I never got a chance to do the one thing I'm good at. It's the to the point now that I'm so angry and depressed about it that I can't even watch other people doing the sport(s) I love. I've pretty much stopped watching racing all together.
Racing a car is really easy now too. Most anyone could do it now with all the technical aids, cool suits, gearboxes and all that other bullshit that comes along with it.
When I was growing up the fields in all racing series were made up of guys that got their start on small local tracks and worked their way up to the big stage. It's impossible to do that now. You have to be born rich. Now all the big racing series fields are composed of a bunch of rich kids riding around and getting paid big sponsorship money to make social media posts. All of the major ones have been ruined with stupid rules for safety and rules to appease sponsors. It isn't even racing it's just rich kids riding around in go-karts. I know I could beat them all
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